How Misinterpretation Delays Productivity
Every year the Army provides soldiers and their spouses the opportunity to attend a weekend Marriage Retreat as a getaway to better the marriage (and of course, enjoy some free food and a free hotel stay).
My first time attending one of these as a newbie Army Spouse, I was quite surprised... in a good way!
We discovered our Love Languages and how that relates to giving love in the form our spouse needs (which oftentimes is not the acts of love we prefer to receive or tend to give). We also worked through many different exercises and workbooks that really focused on...
Communication.
The most difficult exercise we found was a listening exercise.
Why is it so hard to listen to what your partner has to say?
Let me explain here. For the exercise we would explain how we felt about a concerning topic utilizing "I" statements and 1-2 sentences such as "When you (x) I feel (y)" or "I worry that ___ because ___."
The point of I Statements is to speak for yourself and only yourself with the intent to express your own thoughts and feelings rather than condemn your partner's actions or behaviors.
The Challenge: Can you listen without putting your own spin on it?
Once finished, the spouse on the listening side would repeat what their spouse had said by stating, "What I hear you saying is..."
Interestingly enough, most times when the listening spouse repeated what was said, it was completely inaccurate and sometimes even unrelated to what their spouse had really said. Other words, meanings, and assumptions were thrown into the mix based on the listening spouse's interpretation.
I told my husband, "I'm nervous about our son being tri-racial and being judged by all sides when we move back home. I know from being mixed that you get heat from both sides, so I feel like we have to make sure he's diverse and teach him not to have an anti-or-pro race mindset."
My husband replied, "So what I hear you saying is you're worried about Lijah (our son) experiencing racism and you think my family is racist like some people in your family are racist."
That isn't what I said but that this is how he interpreted it.
Fun Fact: It took three tries before we were able to work through that one concern.
And that is the impact of misinterpretation.
It causes confusion and so much time and energy to be lost when communicating.
When misinterpretation consistently occurs in the workplace it causes projects to be delayed, tension between team members, and an overall chaotic work culture.
Authentic Dialogue is a solution.
Authentic Dialogue is a collaborative communication tool used for conflict resolution, decision making, and brainstorming solutions. In order to engage in an authentic dialogue we have to learn to leave a few habits behind and replace them with some new skills….
Leave the concept of listening to respond, and replace that concept with listening to hear.
Leave the duty to interpret, and replace it with the responsibility to understand.
Leave our bias, opinions, and differences that dictate how we think, and replace them with fairness, openness, and similarities.
Leave the goal to win, and replace it with the goal to create win-wins.
Leave the false belief of one truth, and replace it with the presence of a collaborative truth.
It's definitely easier said than done to leave those habits behind and learn the skill of authentic dialogue. But it is not only necessary that we do, it is vital for our marriages, parenting, communities, work teams, and all the way up to the government if we want to avoid the negative impacts of misinterpretation.
Thriving Work Teams Choose Authentic Dialogue.
When work teams choose authentic dialogue, they are choosing to work as a collaborative team that leverages conflict to strengthen relationships and create a healthy work environment for all. Choosing authentic dialogue also aids in the development of stronger leaders, higher quality work, and happier associates which in turn leads to happier clients and customers!
When's the last time you and your team had an authentic dialogue?
#organizationalculture #authenticdialogue #growdialogue #thinklearnthrive